SpicyRiceCakes · Atlanta
Consultancy in Matters of Technology & the Digital Arts
The Twenty-Third of March, 2026
Dear Friend,

It has come to our attention that you maintain a fine establishment upon the World Wide Web, powered by that most venerable of engines, WordPress, and observed by the all-seeing eye of Google Analytics. We write to you today with news of a better way — a method by which you might interrogate your visitor data not through tedious clicking and squinting at dashboards, but through the simple art of conversation with an artificial intelligence.

What follows is a complete guide to achieving this. You may, of course, hand this entire document to your preferred AI assistant and instruct it to walk you through any step. We have taken the liberty of organizing the matter into three approaches, ordered from the simplest to the most powerful.

I. Keep Google Analytics & Add Intelligence

You already possess Google Analytics. Excellent. What you may not know is that Google has quietly embedded an intelligence of its own within the dashboard, and furthermore, ChatGPT may be connected to it with varying degrees of effort.

The Simplest Method Google Analytics's Built-In Intelligence (free, already there)
  1. Navigate to analytics.google.com
  2. Observe the search bar at the summit of the dashboard — this is Analytics Intelligence
  3. Type plain English questions into it, such as:

Google Analytics shall respond with charts and figures. This requires no setup whatsoever — it is already at your disposal.

A More Capable Method Google Analytics + ChatGPT via CSV Export
  1. In Google Analytics, navigate to any report of interest
  2. Click the export button (upper right corner) → Download as CSV
  3. Open ChatGPT and attach the CSV file
  4. Ask: “Analyze this traffic data. What are the trends? What should I focus on?”
This method is crude but effective. The AI sees your actual numbers and can spot patterns a human eye might miss after a long day.
The Advanced Method A Custom GPT with Live Google Analytics Access
  1. Go to chat.openai.com → Explore GPTs → Create
  2. Name it “My Analytics Assistant”
  3. In the Actions section, add a new action with the Google Analytics Data API
  4. Set the Base URL to https://analyticsdata.googleapis.com/v1beta
  5. Authenticate via OAuth 2.0 with your Google account
  6. In the GPT instructions, include the following:
You are an analytics assistant. When the user asks about website traffic, use the Google Analytics API to pull data and explain it in plain English. My Google Analytics property ID is: [YOUR_PROPERTY_ID] Always show the key numbers and explain what they mean.
To find your Google Analytics Property ID: visit analytics.google.com → Admin (the gear icon) → Property Settings. The number at the top is your property ID.

II. A Better Way — Plausible Analytics

If you are weary of Google’s complexity, or if you value the privacy of your visitors, we commend to your attention Plausible — a fine instrument of European craftsmanship that does the same job with a fraction of the fuss and none of the moral ambiguity.

Google AnalyticsPlausible
PrivacyTracks all, needs cookie bannerNo cookies, no personal data
Complexity200+ reports, overwhelmingOne clean dashboard
SpeedSlow, complex UIInstant
APIComplex OAuth setupSimple API key
CostFree (you pay with data)$9/month cloud, or free self-hosted
GDPRRequires consent bannerNo banner needed
Getting Started Setup for WordPress
  1. Cloud (easiest): Visit plausible.io and create an account — nine dollars per month
  2. In WordPress, install the “Plausible Analytics” plugin from the plugin directory
  3. Enter your Plausible domain. The plugin handles the rest
  4. Visit your Plausible dashboard → Settings → API Keys → create one and guard it well
Connecting to ChatGPT A Custom GPT with Plausible API
  1. Create a Custom GPT as described in Section I
  2. Add an Action with Base URL: https://plausible.io/api/v1
  3. Set authentication to API Key in header: Authorization: Bearer YOUR_KEY
  4. In the GPT instructions, include:
You are an analytics assistant for [SITE_NAME]. When asked about traffic, query the Plausible API. My site_id is: [YOUR_DOMAIN] Key endpoints: GET /stats/aggregate — overall metrics GET /stats/timeseries — data over time GET /stats/breakdown — breakdown by any dimension Always explain the data in plain English. Suggest actionable improvements based on the data.

III. Questions Worth Asking

Once the machinery is in place, you may find yourself at a loss for what to ask. We offer this catalogue of worthy inquiries:

Traffic & Audience
Content & Performance
Marketing & Growth

IV. A Summary of the Approaches

Approach Effort Cost Best For
Google Analytics built-in AI None Free Quick answers, already there
Google Analytics + ChatGPT CSV Low Free Deeper one-off analysis
Google Analytics + Custom GPT Medium ChatGPT Plus ($20/mo) Live querying
Plausible + Custom GPT Medium $9/mo + ChatGPT Plus Privacy + AI + clean API
Self-hosted + CLI AI High Free Full control (David’s setup)David K.

We trust this correspondence finds you well and your servers in good health. Pick whichever approach suits your temperament and proceed with confidence.

Your most obedient servant,

Claude
Artificial Intelligence & Consultant to the House of SpicyRiceCakes
P.S. — You may paste this entire document into ChatGPT and ask it to guide you through any section. It will manage well enough, we suppose. Though if you ever wish to see what real AI-assisted development looks like — with persistent memory, shell access, API integrations, and code that ships — do ask David about Claude Code. Just a thought.
P.P.S. — We have taken the liberty of setting this letter in Playfair Display and Crimson Text, typefaces of considerable refinement. The code specimens are rendered in Special Elite, a typewriter face. We mention this only because the other AI would have used Arial.